Alien Tech Capabilities
Twelve capabilities.
Each one replaces a six-figure hire.
Built to the $4M CMO standard. Delivered as intelligence — never as a dashboard. Every capability below has a price tag attached. Add them up. Then compare to $697 a month.
Cross-Platform Reconciliation Engine
Google Ads claims 14 conversions from a campaign. GA4 sees 9. Meta claims 31 leads via view-through. CallRail tracked 18 inbound calls. Every platform reports the metric that makes itself look good. The truth lives in the gap between them.
Our reconciliation engine maps the discrepancies. It tells you which platform is closest to truth for your specific funnel. It quantifies the gap in dollars. It tells you which budget decisions are safe to make and which require fixing the tracking layer first.
This is not a feature. This is the foundation of every recommendation the system makes.
5-tier trust ladder: OBSERVED → RECONCILED → INFERRED → BENCHMARK → BLOCKED
Replaces: A $2,500/mo data analyst
RARS — Reporting & Attribution Readiness Score
Before we recommend a spend change, we score your tracking infrastructure on a 100-point scale. The RARS engine evaluates 9 components: UTM integrity, conversion event mapping, view-through windows, server-side tagging, GA4 health, identity stitching, cross-domain tracking, mobile attribution, and call tracking.
If your RARS is below 75, we suspend optimization recommendations. We fix the data layer first. No trust, no recommendations. The system polices itself against its own data.
This discipline is what separates an intelligence platform from a dashboard.
9 components · weighted scoring · trust-shock detector
Replaces: A $15K analytics audit
Form Abandonment Forensics
Microsoft Clarity tells you 144 sessions started your form. 1 finished. That's 99.3% abandonment. Clarity stops there.
We don't. Our forensics engine cross-references Clarity session recordings with form field event data, page load timing, and mobile vs desktop split. We tell you which field killed the other 143 — and which one would unlock them.
Then we write the fix. With expected impact. Without an A/B test.
Clarity session ingest · field-level event mapping · mobile/desktop split forensics
Replaces: A $5K UX research engagement
Intent-Classified Search Term Waste
Every search term gets classified by commercial intent tier:
Tier 1 (Research): 'how to sell house fast' Tier 2 (Comparison): 'best cash home buyer las vegas' Tier 3 (Ready-to-Act): 'sell my house for cash today'
The system surfaces low-intent terms consuming budget and writes the negative keyword list — not 'recommends adding negatives,' writes them. Then projects the savings. Real audit example: '67% of spend is on Tier 1 research keywords. Only 12% on Tier 3. Rebalancing saves $400/mo at current spend.'
3-tier intent classification · auto-generated negative keyword list · projected savings calc
Replaces: A $3K/mo PPC specialist
$4M CMO AI Analysis Layer
Most AI writes summaries. Ours writes diagnoses.
Our model operates under five constraints, enforced by prompt scaffolding and post-generation validation: 1. Context before claim 2. Dollars always quantified 3. Action always specific (file, function, setting) 4. Risk of inaction always priced 5. Three moves ahead, never one
The output reads like a $4M Chief Marketing Officer wrote it. Because it was trained to.
Claude Opus reasoning · evidence anchors required · ELITE OR BLOCKED output gate
Replaces: A $400K Director of Performance
Closed-Loop CRM Attribution
Spend → Click → Lead → Close → Revenue.
We connect your paid media spend to actual closed deals in your CRM (HubSpot, REsimpli, Salesforce, GoHighLevel, more). Then we calculate cost per closed deal — not cost per click, not cost per lead, cost per DEAL.
That's the only metric that matters. Everything else is intermediate.
9 CRM integrations · identity stitching via gclid/gbraid/wbraid/fbclid/utm/msclkid · multi-touch attribution
Replaces: A $200K/yr marketing operations hire
PageSpeed + Core Web Vitals Forensics
Your landing page mobile LCP is 13.9 seconds. PageSpeed score: 45/100. Industry benchmark: 1 second improvement = ~10% conversion lift.
We don't just tell you the score. We map every JavaScript bundle, every above-fold image, every render-blocking resource, and write the prioritized fix list. With expected LCP reduction per fix. With expected conversion lift per second saved.
Lighthouse + WebPageTest ingest · asset waterfall analysis · prioritized fix queue with impact projection
Replaces: A $3-5K performance engineering engagement
Conversion Path Reconstruction
Your funnel reports 144 form starts and 1 submit. Where did the other 143 go?
We reconstruct every step: landing page entry, scroll depth, time on page, form interaction, field-by-field progression, exit point. We identify the kill switch. We write the fix.
This is forensic analysis applied to your conversion path.
GA4 funnel + Clarity sessions + form events + page timing
Replaces: A $10K UX audit
Quality Score Collapse Detection
Quality Score below 5 inflates CPCs by 50-300%. Most operators don't realize they have 10+ keywords at QS 1-3 because Google buries the score deep in the UI.
We surface every low-QS keyword. We classify why (ad relevance, landing page experience, expected CTR). We project the CPC reduction per fix. We write the corrective copy.
Keyword-level QS ingest · 3-component classification · CPC impact projection
Replaces: Hours of weekly QS audit work
Competitor Creative Intelligence
What ads are your competitors running right now? What hooks are working? What landing pages convert?
We scrape Meta Ad Library, Google Transparency Center, TikTok Creative Center, and SpyFu in real time. We identify their winning patterns. We translate to your brand. We write the counter-creative.
This is competitive intelligence at machine scale.
4 ad-library scrapers · creative pattern analysis · counter-strategy generation
Replaces: A $2K/mo competitive research subscription
Trust Shock Detector
RARS dropped 22 points overnight. No tracking changes were logged. Something broke silently. Most operators discover this weeks later, after burning budget on corrupted data.
Trust Shock Detector catches the drop in real time. It suspends all spend recommendations until trust is restored. It auto-escalates to maximum diagnostic depth on the broken component.
The system behaves like a real risk management layer.
Run-over-run RARS delta · auto-suspension trigger · diagnostic escalation logic
Replaces: Weeks of corrupted-data spend before discovery
Strategic Memory Compression
After every weekly audit, the system compresses the entire run into a durable strategic memory object. Not logs. Not raw data. Distilled operational intelligence.
Over 30 weeks, you can reconstruct the complete narrative of your account without reading raw data: 'Went from crisis (RARS 18) to partial recovery (RARS 52, 3 verified fixes, 2 pending) over the past quarter.'
This is institutional memory at machine scale. Most consultants forget. The system remembers.
Per-run JSON memory object · strategic timeline reconstruction · cross-run pattern detection
Replaces: The institutional memory of a senior consultant
Do The Math
Add it up.
ReportStorm: $697 a month.
Same outcomes. Same rigor.
Twelve Capabilities
All this.
Starting at $697 a month.
Free audit first. Founder 25 pricing locked at $1,497/mo for life — 24 seats remaining.